Doctor just said my cousin has it.

I hope Loghan doesn’t get it… no medical insurance. =[ Fuck.

Last night I was talking to Mok. We were talking about life, and the point of. I was saying how I didn’t see a point to it. He told me that he thought life was like a song.. the only point being to be seen/heard. That stuck in my head.

Today I was laying at the park, just thinking. I asked Nicole if she ever felt like she could see the whole world around her but not be a part of it. Like being an audience member. She admitted that she did feel the same, and had been thinking about that lately as well. I told her about what Mok said and we took it a bit further. She said she can always see everyone else has a “song” of sorts but she doesn’t know what her own is. I could relate.

If my life was a song, I wonder what kind it would be.

All I can hope is that I’m singing in tune.

I wrote a lot yesterday.

Parasitus
Slowly I begin to feel it
Appreciation for this place as I go to leave
A hunger took hold, I must feed
I’ll return once I lie awake
Can’t sleep for days, or perhaps
When I fall asleep to live in dreams
Now all I can ask is miss me so
I’ll be home
To expose the womb enclosed
It has grown inside
Now watch me grow inside of you

———————

Personal Realm
A dozen bajillion holes in the sky
Complicating all of our eyes
I found a way to see ahead
I see you on your thrown
You’re reaching out
I’m falling in
We’ll dance until the music fades
——————–

Glowering In Your Eyes
Subtle words tell me a million stories
I’ve seen them in your eyes
Come in closer, I’m trying to find myself
In your eyes

stop wasting time with me
you’ll never see the point
criss crosses and other dots
all along the path
you’ve forgotten the rules
our race will dissolve
follow me back to the pack

A pack of my own
I’ll feel once again
I won’t return with your breed
My eyes are changing
My world is growing
Please, leave me in peace.

———————-

Shrill
Can someone please breathe?
I’ve taken all that I can see
now I must run and hide
Before my life collides with you again
Now hear me scream
I’m erasing all my promises
Tonight I can’t bare to face you again
hear me scream?
I’m running

———————–

Simple Design
Simple design you told me
Intricate weaves you showed me
Speak of the days- I’m lost in time
Where do you reside?
Are there peepholes in the walls?
Or translucent barriers to hold you in
Seal you inside a box
The eyes don’t harm your simple design
But mine, though simple to me,
Isn’t simple to you at all

Tonight after dinner I fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up, for some reason all I could smell was my grandma’s house. For a minute, I was just a little girl again. Curled up with grandma on her couch. Rubbing her soft skin, and watching her watch her soap operas. I always did that..

Now this feeling of nostalgia is filling me. There are tears in my eyes, and it’s useless.

I read about people feeling like this in my books. It’s such a beautiful sadness when it happens to them. But when it happens to me, it’s so surreal. I can’t exactly explain it.

I want to fall back to sleep.

When I hear Kings of Leon, something inside of me lights up..
But it kind of makes me want to cry too.

I’m going to miss seeing them live by about a week…
Oh well, I’ll try to make another show.

This is going to be really hard for me. I have such a hard time letting go of things. I’m a bit of a packrat I guess you could say. I’m going to throw away all my childhood stuffed animals..some of which belonged to my mom… I think I’m going to leave some books here.. the ones that belonged to my mom…

Only take stuff I absolutely cannot stand to leave behind. Eeps. This is going to be difficult.