i could see it in her eyes. leaving me on the floor. less one obsession. why ? still so not aware of the worth of self and beauty. i wonder of last nights effects on what will now be. lonely still and without anyone to share my soul with. secrets and perversions. where is the dark female for me. a submissive with a strong mind. lessons are learned from our failure. bypassed with what only seems to be the greener side. ugly,old and played like fiddle. the sounds of my own mind are going to kill me. finish what the world has started. where is my salvation from this ache.

Today was horrible. Everything went wrong.. how the fuck does that happen? It ended up turning out well… but how on earth..? Idk.. I didn’t realize so many bad things could happen in a row in one day! Bad appointment, worse appointment that was dissatisfied and left, another bad appointment, printer broke, saw an old hookup (that I have avoided) on my lunch break, got lost in Bellevue, Walmart broke my car, lost my keys with window down…drove around to find them and found out they were IN my car..with window down and people in my car, needed a new battery AND new part.. I can’t remember if I left anything out. So much bad shit kept happening today…

I need motivation.
I need a way to make money.
I need a home that’s not with parents… I need to be a big girl and do it on my own!

I’m such a dependent person! It bothers me.